You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything. . . affects everything. - Jay Asher
There is no secret that the lead up to the SEA Games was tough for me. Everyone could tell by how emotional I got on the podium receiving my first medal. For me, competitions have always been the reward. I train hard so that I can relax and just enjoy what I love doing - skating and competing. I know that I have trained my hardest and given my all, so I can walk away knowing that there was nothing more I could have done. Unfortunately, the months, the night and even the very day of the competition was riddled with many challenges and what I like to call "character-defining" moments. I remember dad said to me the night before about how every one of these tough situations was just going to make me even stronger. I recall joking that every time he had said that, life seemed to throw at me even harder and more challenging situations to deal with. So I told him I was done with growing through tough times and that I'd grown enough! But all jokes aside, it was a hard journey and to those who knew what was really going on, they agreed that it was far harder than most. Maybe that is what makes the champion and separates first and second. I can't know for certain.
Many people that have been following me post- SEA Games have commented about how positive and motivational I am and how it has inspired them. I take a great responsibility in that. So I want you to know that I have my tough days too. I just choose to spread the good and the positive instead of dwelling on everything that is weighing me down. That's how I move forward.
I'm going to be honest - I don't think the hard goes away. I don't think it ever stops getting easier. But here's the secret: the good gets greater.
People always ask me: was it worth it? To that I say, that's not the right question. If you balance out all the bad that has happened to me, the bad far outweighs the good. I heard someone once say that to be great at anything, you had to be a little insane, because nobody that was sane would go through all the crazy. I can tell you with a certainty that I wouldn't wish the way I was treated, the bullshit and the tough times I've endured in the last year and a half on my worst enemy. But at the end of the day, we do what we've got to do and we endure the things and people that we have to, in order to get to where we are going. The bad will never outweigh the good if you don't have big goals and dreams. If you don't have a bigger purpose for everything beyond yourself. I will also say this: it has made me appreciate the good in my life so much more. The people in my life who have really stepped up. My family who have sacrificed so much - emotionally, but also financially. It has been taxing on everyone in my family.
To everybody that has messaged me telling me that I've inspired them to push a little harder or dream a little bigger... to the organisations that have come forward asking me to speak about what I'm passionate about and the causes I advocate awareness for - this is what I endure the bad for. YOU are the ones that motivate me to keep going, keep grinding, and ignore all the naysayers. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
So find your why. Your reason to keep going. If your why is bigger than the bad, then nothing can stop you.